The name of this blog is also the name of one of my favourite songs by one of my favourite bands. But I didn’t choose ‘Rudderless’ purely for that reason.
I chose it because I’m a 33-year-old man who still doesn’t have the first idea where he’s headed in life. It’s not that I don’t have ambitions to do other stuff – far from it – I just don’t know what I want to do and how I’m going to get to do it. Writing and talking about videogames is something I’m semi-good at and enjoy doing, but I’m not daft enough to think that it’s going to sustain me for the rest of my working life.
As I said to a friend in an email the other day:
“I like painting, I like playing the guitar, I like watching films and football and playing videogames. In short, I’m an indecisive prick who’s waiting for someone to tell him what to do.”
I’m a Jack of all trades, master of absolutely nothing.
But then isn’t that kind of exciting? Not being on a single set path, and having loads of things you like doing? Still not quite knowing where you’re headed? So yeah, I’m rudderless, but maybe that’s not such a bad thing. There are far worse things to be. The fact that I don’t know where life’s going to take me, or which career path I should follow could be happily construed as a great opportunity. There’s still stuff I want to do; there’s still stuff I’m going to do. I just don’t know when, where or how.
But I will do it. One day.