Oh, I hate football.
You can have the Wii on afterwards.
But if you turn it off I will be happy.
Well, I’m not turning it off – you have to learn to share.
But I will be angry if you don’t turn it off.
James, there’s no need to be angry – look, we can play with your toys while the football’s on in the background.
But I will still be angry.
Well I don’t want you to be angry-
If you turn it off I will be happy but if you don’t turn it off I will be angry and you don’t want me to be angry so turn it off.
You just can’t compete with logic like that. Earlier that day, I’d used Pokémon (his current favourite thing) as an example to encourage him to do something – to which, with a look of incredulity on his little face, he replied thus:
But Pokémon are made up.
In other words: Dad, you imbecile. They’re not real. Why they should have any relevance in this matter is beyond me.
If he’s like this at four, I dread to think what the coming years are going to be like. He’s got me sussed already. It’s all downhill from here.